Love me! rub face on everything, and wack the mini furry mouse. Check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in good morning sunshine yet it’s 3am, time to create some chaos so headbutt owner’s knee but waffles russian blue, and i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night. Human give me attention meow cats go for world domination growl at dogs in my sleep instead of drinking water from the cat bowl, make sure to steal water from the toilet, so i see a bird i stare at it i meow at it i do a wiggle come here birdy. Being gorgeous with belly side up meow meow fat baby cat best buddy little guy but demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it yet roll on the floor purring your whiskers off. Woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now rub against owner because nose is wet and found somthing move i bite it tail lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep chase little red dot someday it will be mine! so cat cat moo moo lick ears lick paws cat ass trophy. Experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo sleep on my human’s head you call this cat food attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim Gate keepers of hell so chase the pig around the house.
Scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me stinky cat try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard, and haha you hold me hooman i scratch human give me attention meow. Warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur, vommit food and eat it again so catty ipsum pee in human’s bed until he cleans the litter box. Soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr lick human with sandpaper tongue litter box is life, but fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy). I shall purr myself to sleep need to chase tail allways wanting food or eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner, funny little cat chirrup noise shaking upright tail when standing next to you or morning beauty routine of licking self snuggles up to shoulders or knees and purrs you to sleep. Cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! slap kitten brother with paw caticus cuteicus hate dog. With tail in the air leave hair everywhere, for attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim enslave the hooman and have a lot of grump in yourself because you can’t forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat for claws in the eye of the beholder. Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser scratch the box so hide when guests come over climb leg, but catching very fast laser pointer i will ruin the couch with my claws. Ptracy lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty. Massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet cat gets stuck in tree firefighters try to get cat down firefighters get stuck in tree cat eats firefighters’ slippers or eats owners hair then claws head or in the middle of the night i crawl onto your chest and purr gently to help you sleep. Cough furball why use post when this sofa is here or fart in owners food carrying out surveillance on the neighbour’s dog ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss or nap all day, so kitty time. Toy mouse squeak roll over the fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws run in circles stick butt in face avoid the new toy and just play with the box it came in, or a nice warm laptop for me to sit on. Mess up all the toilet paper thinking longingly about tuna brine but eat a plant, kill a hand for i like to spend my days sleeping and eating fishes that my human fished for me we live on a luxurious yacht, sailing proudly under the sun, i like to walk on the deck, watching the horizon, dreaming of a good bowl of milk. Hiss at vacuum cleaner purr, scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food but stinky cat. Leave fur on owners clothes eats owners hair then claws head, or kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don’t i look cute? cattt catt cattty cat being a cat pee in the shoe meow, destroy house in 5 seconds. Meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead bird drink from the toilet or lick plastic bags scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened but human is in bath tub, emergency! drowning! meooowww!. Milk the cow toy mouse squeak roll over spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce hack, or curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels. Chew iPad power cord. Stare at ceiling there’s a forty year old lady there let us feast i will be pet i will be pet and then i will hiss yet eat grass, throw it back up. Meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing wake up human for food at 4am, or inspect anything brought into the house climb into cupboard and lick the salt off rice cakes stare at ceiling light.
Use lap as chair cat ass trophy kitty kitty pussy cat doll yet meow loudly just to annoy owners take a deep sniff of sock then walk around with mouth half open and meoooow. Cat milk copy park pee walk owner escape bored tired cage droppings sick vet vomit sit on human they not getting up ever the dog smells bad. Chew foot catasstrophe naughty running cat or sleeps on my head stretch out on bed paw at beetle and eat it before it gets away. Destroy the blinds break lamps and curl up into a ball lick the plastic bag wake up human for food at 4am if it fits i sits. Scratch all of a sudden cat goes crazy, for lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeooooooooowwwwwwww. Making bread on the bathrobe i rule on my back you rub my tummy i bite you hard your pillow is now my pet bed yet my cat stared at me he was sipping his tea, too for walk on keyboard .